Saturday, May 17, 2008

Striving...awareness...acceptance

I've been trying to think of a way to express myself without self-pity. And the one thing I don't want to do is to wish away my life. The last few months I've spent my physical, but more critically, much of my mental energy, striving to get back to where I once was. Constantly looking ahead to when I can run again. I think having a goal and not giving up hope is admirable. I don't feel like I'm giving up, but truly, I've lost that mental image of myself running freely, let alone being pain-free (running or not) for any length of time. I'm not looking for sympathy, but just trying to express myself honestly. I'm still searching for medical answers, but am also trying to accept (and embrace) where I am right now. I need to stop trying to do things my body doesn't want me to. Running (obviously) is out, hiking is out, biking is out, power walking is out, stairmastering is out, likely ellipticalling is out and probably a few other things I haven't tried yet. But yoga, pilates, pool running, and perhaps, swimming, are in. And enjoying my family, gardening, sleeping in and making pancakes are definitely in! There's a lot to love about life and I don't want to miss a bit of it.

Marc is registered for the Forest Park 50k next week and just decided on the weekend double of Crater Lake and Haulin' Aspen marathons in August. He's passing me up! Actually he's already surpassed my total number of ultras to date. How did that happen? It will take a few more for him to reach my combined marathon/ultra total. But man, I think I'm going to be jealous when he gets 4 star maniac status! Well, if I can't do it, experiencing it through him is the next best thing.

13 comments:

Darrell said...

The cirmcumstance suck, but I applaud the way you are handling it. Pancakes are wonderful!

robtherunner said...

Sarah,

I know exactly what you mean. Even though I am not injured I have similar feelings about where I am and how to express it without sounding like I want sympathy. I don't.

I hope Marc plans on resting after the Haulin Aspen and Crater Lake double. I would probably caution against running both because it is so close to CC100, but to each his own. He will need to be fully rested by August 23rd and I am not sure running a double two weeks out will leave him fresh. Just my opinion and I only say it because I want him to be completely ready on race day.

Joe said...

Sarah, I think you can feel free to express yourself here in this space without apology or much explaining. I don't hear whining, I just hear an honest heart talking. And if that helps, by all means, keep it up.

Keep hanging in there...pancakes and swimming and cheering Mark on and waiting. You have a base fitness level that will enhance the body's ability to renew itself.

Thanks for sharing...great to know how you are doing. Pulling for you all the way!!

Backofpack said...

Sarah,
I love your positive view - and I totally get that jealous thing! I admire your ability to find the highlights and figure out where you are now. Keep up the good work and enjoy all the perks of non-running!

Bob Gentile said...

what are the plans Sarah to try and fix ur injury? is surgery ur only option or can u rehabilitate it. Have u gotton more then one opinion on what is wrong...

Keep seeking and You shall find...this is ur testing season & u will pass just keep the faith and try to figure out how to fix it, there have been people who have had much worse and are back running again & you will be back also.

Your Friend from the EastCoast :-)

sherri said...

Sarah, I think you have achieved some sort of peace that eludes most of us. Looking past what you cannot do, towards what you can - that's a serious piece of contentment and acceptance. "Just keep swimming."

Bret said...

Sarah, I can't be in your shoes for sure but once I couldn't run. I had a bum knee and the doc said surgery or no running for one whole year. I took the year option and it was tough. I found a weight lifting program that was laid out for one whole year. I followed it 4 days a week religiously. It helped me to focus on another goal. I am not saying go become "Arnold" but you are on the right track. Get into something you really like. Your family is one right now for sure. But jump in with the energy you had with running. You will find some inner peace I think.
And Marc? What an animal! That is a tough double to do. Hope to see you both at FP on Sunday. Gail and I will both be there.

Catherine said...

So sorry to hear about the lack of progress. I didn't realize you were so limited on what you can do for cross-training. I know that just makes it harder.

I can't believe Marc has done so many ultras. For being a "non-runner" he sure is stealthy. Good for him. I understand about the jealousy tho. My husband has just decided to take up running as he trains for his first triathlon and every time he goes out for a run it's just so hard on me.

I guess all I can say is, add some chocolate chips to those pancakes and enjoy your garden and family. You have a lot to be thankful for.

Ryan said...

Encouraging words to live by, keep moving forward. All the best and Marc is a Maniac now huh?

Swim on...

angie's pink fuzzy said...

sounds like you've got a fanTAStic attitude to help deal with it all!

wendy said...

=(

I'm so sorry about your situation, Sarah. It's sucks, and wanting to voice that the right way can weigh on anyone.

this community really loves you though, don't be afraid to lean on us a little. =)

Addy said...

I'm sorry the doctors haven't found out yet whats wrong with you, but I'm glad to hear that you're really trying to focus on the positives and the goodness that you can do.

I'm in pretty much the same boat, but have hopes that eventually things will turn around, as I'm sure they will for you.

Carrie said...

Wow Sarah. It's so hard to change that image of yourself that you have in your head. Good for you to acknowledge that.

And you're going to have one kick-ass garden!